Susan Boyle lost.

She became a worldwide phenomenon after her surprising performance on Britain’s Got Talent. Her YouTube video became one of the most popular in the world.

And Britain didn’t vote for her.

From my point of view, Boyle deserved the dropped jaws she received following her initial performance, but frankly, I don’t understand all the hype. But most of the world did — except Britain.

Frankly, I don’t take this personally; I just think it’s incredibly ironic and is a classic example of the media vs. the people. The media blew Boyle’s story incredibly out of proportion, and that may have carried some of her stardom through Britain’s Got Talent.

It’s fairly similar to this season’s American Idol. The media can’t say one negative thing about Adam Lambert, but he didn’t win. Kris Allen just can’t compete, they said. And then, there’s uproar once Allen wins.

Lambert, like Boyle, is a love or hate kind of performer. Either you get him or you don’t. I believe the media misrepresented what many thought about Lambert. I think most of America couldn’t stand him (like me).

Anywho, Boyle didn’t win, yet she’ll have a somewhat successful career if she can find someone who can make her more marketable.

I’m sensing a Boyle-Lambert duet. I’d buy that on iTunes.

One of the duties of an intern is to answer the phone, of course. This may sound as fun as riding SEPTA at 1 a.m., but it can actually be quite fulfilling. That’s because of phone calls like this:

Me: “Fox 29, Chris speaking.”
Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling to request that you put someone back on American Idol you kicked off last night.”
Me: “Sir, this is Fox in Philadelphia. We have nothing to do with the production of American Idol.”
Caller: “There’s no one you can call?”
Me: “No, sir. That was all taped in the fall. It’s already done.”
Caller: “That’s not right, man. Thanks anyway.”
Me: “Have a good night, sir.”

Just another day in the life.

But apparently, there’s a permanent new judge on American Idol.

This seems like a mistake. Although, I’m probably wrong.

Adding another judge will crowd the panel. It’s like saying that Paula Abdul isn’t doing enough (well…). It’s like balancing the panel because of peer pressure. (Not really sure who the peers are, though.)

However, it’s going to change things up. But American Idol is always pressed with time as it is, and now they’re just adding one other person’s comments to the already crammed show.

I guess I should mention her name — Kara DioGuardi. Apparently, she has credentials. But that’s all I know. I suppose no one knew Simon before AI.

The finale last week, which I’m still reeling over, was the highest-rated show for the week according to Nielsen ratings. Its nearest competitor (outside of the performance show the night before) was Dancing with the Stars, which garnered just more than 20 million viewers.

AI probably had the most viewers TV will see until the fall.

All the success this year actually made Fox the most-watched television network, beating out the ‘big three.’ It’s the first time the network has received that honor. It only took 21 years. But doesn’t it always?

Yet it still doesn’t seem right to me they had to cut Back to You. And now, Kelsey Grammer is making what I regrettably see as a stupid move in a new to-be-shortlived ABC comedy, Roman’s Empire. You read it here first on chris-stover.com.

The summer season never attracts big viewers. And rightly so. Have you heard of the slated shows? There are some I’m excited about – The Mole, I Survived a Japanese Game Show , Million Dollar Password - and there are some that just deserve to burn in hell, including Moment of Truth.

For a good recap of the 2007-2008 television season, check out this article.

I look forward to the flops that await in the fall.

More than 97.5 million votes were cast on Tuesday night for the season 7 winner of American Idol. And 12 million people separated the votes.

And the one who received 56 percent of the vote?  David Cook.

David Archuleta’s continuous awkward smile never even left his face.

I was rooting for David A., and I was shocked when Ryan Seacrest coyly announced David C. as the winner.  I thought it was a joke, but clearly not.  That’d be one sick joke.

It is a well-deserved title; neither David C. or A. were in the bottom two or three throughout the entire competition.  Even Simon Cowell said he honestly did not care who won because they both deserved it.  That’s when you know you have a good competition.

It’s my personal belief that David C. didn’t really want to win — he didn’t want to be bound by the extensive contracts an Idol typically goes through.  And, in my personal opinion, David C. would have had a much better chance at making it had he not won than David A.

Surely, someone will pick him up.  But who’s David A.’s target audience?  As my hip cousin pointed out, she doesn’t want him singing some ballad about love at the ripe age of 17 years old.

But it is what it is.  Despite the corniness of the boxing theme, the season 7 finale was fantastic.  The competition throughout the entire season (minus a select few, as in Jason Castro, Kristy Lee Cook, Ramiele Malubay and Chikezie) was fierce and unpredictable.

Seriously…who had Syesha in the top 3?

The personal highlight for me was seeing Philadelphia favorite Renaldo Lapuz perform with the USC marching band.  That moment right there sold the night for me.

To quote Mr. Lapuz, we are bwothers fo-ever.

In tonight’s show, each contestant sang three songs. The first was chosen by the judges, the second chosen by the contestant and the third chosen by the producers.

Yes, the producers.

The producers, who should have no impact on the results of the show. The producers, who allow America to vote on their favorite song of the night. The producers, who have oh-so-much power in their hands.

It seems to me that the producers attempted sabotage – I said it – sabotage on tonight’s show. After an “OK middle round,” as Simon called it (side note – AI quote of the week – Simon compared David Archuleta’s second song as “a chihuahua trying to be a lion”), the producers chose the third song.

David A.’s – forgettable. Some mushy ballad with little room for variation.

Syesha’s – some pop song I’ve heard but have no interest in hearing again.

David Cook’s – Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – the most recognizable, most appropriate song in the competition.

By giving D.C. a pop ballad by Aerosmith – perhaps the most well known modern pop ballad possible – the producers give him an edge in the competition. As he performed on stage, literally surrounded by the entire string section of the orchestra, the entire studio emitted an aura of This is the David Cook Show.

And the other two? Eh. Let’s just put them on a stool and see what they can do with this song.

The purpose of AI is to have the people choose the winner based on what the artists choose as their song. Sure, a pick by the judges is OK as long as it’s counterbalanced by a pick from the contestant. But the contestants batted 1 for 3 tonight. Even the judges criticized the song selection.

If that’s not telling you something, I don’t know what is.

The producers gave an advantage to a contestant who probably would need no advantage anyway to get in the finals. They took away a shot at an up-and-coming Idol – Syesha – for making it to the finale. And they made Americans cringe at favorite David A.

Way to ruin the credibility of your show, producers. Let’s just see about a 2009 season.

Originally from The Temple News. This is the final edition of Cut to the Chase to be published.

CHRIS STOVER
The Temple News

What do American Idol, America’s Got Talent and Dancing with the Stars all have in common?

OK, well, besides the incredible ability to indefinitely kill your brain cells typically used to hold the quadratic formula. In case you were wondering, that’s why you can never remember it.

The real answer – they all have judges. But not just your everyday, stern-faced, invisible personality judges. Nope – only the strong survive in the hamster-eat-hamster world of judging.

It’s time for the judges to get judged. Will they survive the scrutiny in this final edition of Cut to the Chase? Only Nostradamus would know. (Pity that he died in 1566, no?)

Let’s be honest. It doesn’t take much talent to be a judge. To prove this, we just take a random sampling of judges on popular reality competition shows.

Simon Cowell. Sharon Osbourne. Paula Abdul. See?

Talent aside, there are certain characteristics each judge must possess. First is a dislikeable likeability.

The meanest judge on every panel is the Brit. There’s no denying it. Yet, everyone seems to love the one everyone seems to hate. If only this carried over to American politics, we’d live in a utopia.

The rude, selfish, conceited, demeaning, arrogant jerk of a Brit will say you’re horrible when you probably weren’t.

Although, if you were horrible, you might as well change into a diaper and crawl into the fetal position with a bottle. It’d be less embarrassing that way.

To counterbalance the evilness of the Brit, we need to have the “all-American.” Let me be clear – the all-American does not necessarily need to be American. They just need to want to be American, like the Italian DWTS judge, Bruno Tonioli. Or David Hasselhoff.

A sense of empathy is required to be a judge, and since the Brits typically lack it (wouldn’t you love to see Simon perform a ballad?), the all-American must be brutally honest in a gentle, calm way.

Example: “Yo, dawg, that was hott. Totally killer, totally off da hook. You’re bringin’ down the house tonight!” or “Yo, man, I wasn’t feelin’ that one. Not feelin’ it at all. Tonight’s not your night, man.”

By incorporating clichés and early ‘90s language, Randy Jackson epitomizes honesty in a performance. Tonioli carries this over to ABC as so-called celebrities prance around a wooden floor. Over at NBC, the Hoff just proves to be an incredibly confusing human.

Alas, we need the female. Every judges’ table that has three seats must include one female. None would be sexist. Two would be over-bearing. Three would be apocalyptic.

A strong knowledge of the English language and an A+ in freshman composition should be required for the female judge. But why hold FOX up to such high standards when they can hire a semi-retired ex-Laker Girl?

Occasional unintelligibility aside, the female judge fills the role of the morale booster. At times, she can be harsh. But most of the time, the female must be able to find a glimmering light in an empty mineshaft 300 feet below ground.

Through careful analysis of judge placement, we can learn that reality television is slowly dying. When we put the future of mostly semi-talented individuals in the hands of grumpy, bitter judges, do we truly expect magic? Will we become a better society through the guidance of these figureheads? Is Paula Abdul sober?

Nah.

Over the course of this year, I’ve discussed numerous topics in entertainment and pop culture. Most of the time, particularly now, you probably haven’t cared. But you read, and for that, I’m grateful.

Perhaps you disagreed with my top 10 game show hosts. Maybe you researched some of my notable deaths of 2007. It’s even possible I’ve energized your undying fear of Oprah – her world takeover is looming.

It’s been an honor to cut to the chase, and I thank you for welcoming my undeniable charm and arrogance, column after column.

By the way, the quadratic formula is the opposite of b, plus or minus the square root of the difference of b squared minus four times a times c all over two times a.

Just in case you were wondering.

Chris Stover can be reached at stover@temple.edu.